"The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself." — Rumi
Defining Your Optimal Outcome
What is an Optimal Outcome? It's the best possible state or level something can achieve. Imagine your relationship as a plant. Just as you need to trim off the dead pieces for the blooms to return, you need to refresh and update your relationship agreements - starting with ourselves.
Over 130,000 people have asked me why so many are unhappy in their marriages. The answer often lies in giving the best of ourselves to everyone else, leaving little time and energy for the relationships that matter most.
Change is hard, and 85% of people would rather jump out of an airplane than deal with conflict, so we tend to get stuck. To achieve a lush, blooming relationship with yourself and others, start by writing down your Optimal Outcome.
Here’s a fun exercise to help you define your Optimal Outcome. Spend 15 minutes writing down your answers to the following questions:
1. Clarity: What is it you truly want? Can you and your partner(s) create a shared vision together?
2. Wellness: How do you want it to feel when you achieve your Optimal Outcome and/or Shared Vision?
3. Relationships: How supportive are the relationships in your life toward your Optimal Outcome? Have you told anyone about it? If not, what's holding you back?
4. Tools: Do you have the tools you need to achieve your Optimal Outcome?
5. Time: How much time can you dedicate to achieving your Optimal Outcome?
6. Money: How much will you make from your Optimal Outcome, how much will it cost to achieve it, and do you have enough money to start?
By writing down your Optimal Outcome, you increase the odds of it coming true by 42%! (Thanks, Dr. Gail Matthews for this cool fact.)
Creating an Action Plan
Most people overestimate how much they can get done in a short amount of time and underestimate how much they can achieve in the long run. Right now, most of us suffer from "info-besity," so let's take the next step of creating an action plan that helps us focus on just one thing at a time.
1. Rank each of the six categories on a scale from 1 to 10. For example, how clear are you on your Optimal Outcome? 10 means "I've got this," while 1 means "clear as mud."
2. On a scale of 1 to 10, how is the foundation of your mental and physical health? 1 means "so stressed I'm sick," and 10 means "thriving."
3. Once you have ranked each of the six elements, circle any 8s or the one closest to the number 9.
4. Ask yourself, what would move this score from an 8 to a 9?
Self Respect is fundamental in achieving your Optimal Outcome. Dr. Gottman identified contempt as the opposite of respect, and it’s a predictor of breakups. To practice respect, untangle these six components and practice active listening, empathy, and appreciation daily. Small acts of respect can build a strong foundation for your relationship.
Giving Yourself a Permission Slip
From an early age, we are trained to wait for permission, but once you're out of high school, you're free to sign your own permission slip. So, give yourself a Permission Slip to do whatever it takes to get your Optimal Outcome.
To help you even more, I've created an algorithm called Ella, the world's first peace-provoking AI, supported by our team of Experts in Action. They offer a Peace of Mind Guarantee to provide on-demand support at critical moments of personal and professional confusion.
You can read more about our guarantee at [www.peaceprovokers.com](http://www.peaceprovokers.com). We offer live sessions, online coaching tools, and our trusty AI, Ella, to help you on your journey.
Ready to get started? Schedule a live session and increase your odds of getting your Optimal Outcome by 42%!
How hard can it be?
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